I’ve been in this ‘fuck buddies’ relationship for a couple of months now and it’s great. The sex is getting better and better, our communication during and after is improving, and we have discovered enough shared interests to chat merrily about between sets.
The only trouble is, he’s my only source of sex right now.
Well then, hook up with him more often then, some would say. And thinking quantitatively, this is not a bad strategy. But any girl who reads this will know what my real problem is – I am afraid of growing to really care for the guy.
We women are more prone than men to develop ‘feelings’ for the person we let into our beds. And while we have at least a few people we crush on, that’s OK. When one guy’s temporarily out of the picture (working, on a date with his girlfriend or visiting his parents), we can concentrate on someone else. Even if we don’t sleep with all of them, the sheer fact we have a choice brings a sense of calmness and normality. Who ever heard of a girl obsessively stalking more than one man at a time?
Sadly, the fact that I am now sexually satisfied by meeting this guy once a week, totally kills my motivation to get out there and find more people to sleep with. What is more, he’s kinda interesting, so we get in some flirting and chatting as well. This situation leaves me… for lack of a better expression, ‘emotionally undivided’. I only have a small crush for him and I know there’s no relationship development in our future, but I still worry that over time I might grow to want more.
Why do I say we have no future? Well, put simply, because that’s the deal. Relationships that starts as fuck buddies rarely progress to something more serious. Moreover, he is in a happy committed relationship with someone else already. And, of course, I don’t think he’s boyfriend material for me – we are simply too different in too many ways.
So I guess I question is this one: how many fuck buddies would the optimum number be? I’ve had periods where I’d have two or three sex partners at the same time. Those were happy times. Perhaps I should go back there…
Speaking about fuck buddies, I believe I recently figured out the sweet spot for what I want in my fuck buddies. I saw a YT video by Sexy Confidence on the signs that a guy only wants to hook up.
Very briefly, here are the tell-tale signs:
- He told you he doesn’t want a relationship
- You’ve never met his friends or family
- He disappears for days
- He won’t meet up with you anywhere you can’t have sex
- He doesn’t spend time with you
- You can’t leave belongings at his place
- He doesn’t take you on dates
- He only talks about sex
- He only compliments you on your looks
Now, I’m all right with most of those. I don’t expect the man I sleep with to compliment me on my choice of a health insurance provider or to introduce me to his parents.
But there are a couple that are an actual deal-breaker.
He disappears for days
I like a bit of structure in my life. I like knowing that I am still wanted and that I will most probably get to have sex next week. I don’t insist in having a time and a place 5 days in advance (heck, give me a heads-up a day in advance and I jump for joy!) but a little text message to let me know you are thinking of my body every once in a while wouldn’t hurt. And if someone disappears on me for more than a week or so, I automatically assume I am not enough of a priority for them and that really kills the mood and my libido.
He only talks about sex
I am a huge fan of talking about sex. Some of my closest friends I’ve won this way. Some of them are platonic friends to this day. So talking about sex and having sex are not entirely linked in my brain. Not to mention that some of the people that talk about sex the most are actually lousy lovers. I’ve learnt how to sense if someone would satisfy me just by the way he uses his words.
At the same time, I want my fuck buddy to be 3-dimentional. Even if we meet rarely and only spend a few hours in the bedroom, I like to know that he is an intelligent human being that doesn’t objectify me (more than strictly necessary) and who is able to hold light conversation while regaining his erection after the first set.
Men who only talk about sex seem pitiful, disrespectful and a little bit obsessive. And it usually means we really have nothing else in common. So what’s the point of having regular sex with someone who will never really know you as more than a piece of meat? After all, I need material for my blog…